Puerto Rico: Day 5 “Confidently Lost”

Puerto Rico: Day 5 “Confidently Lost”

My eyes opened and I took in the sunlight peeking through the window. My mind was still and my body, weightless. I took a few deep breaths and laid in my peace, in my rest. I didn’t awake with a clenched jaw or furrowed brow. I wasn’t worried about time, or others – fully stepping away from “my life” back home. I was home; I was with myself. 

I slipped into a maxi dress – no bra, no panties, no shoes – and wandered out of my suite. I took in the aroma of sandalwood incense as the sound of gentle splashing from the water fountains made their way to my ears. I smiled. Gliding down the path, I went and poured myself a cup of tea from the main dining area. It was chamomile and honey. 

“Good morning. Would you like to do the yoga class – we needed one more person?” the hostess asked. I thought about it…

“No, thank you. I’m going to stick with the one I planned.” One thing all the cancellations showed me was that if I stay in alignment, the things I need would be presented to me. Every cancelled tour led me to opportunities that I truly believe I wouldn’t have had otherwise, at this time. The yoga session ($20) I had booked through AirBnB hadn’t been cancelled, so I saw that as a good sign that I could and should stick with it; it hadn’t been moved out of my way. 

As I was heading inside to the kitchen, another patron was about five small steps in front of me. We walked in line with one another. She opened the door and I could tell she wasn’t aware that I was behind her. The large, wooden door didn’t swing shut on its own, and without turning around, I could see her hand not leaving the knob.

“Hold the door, please.” I whispered, I suppose. I was right at the door.

 Still caught in her own mind, she continued pulling it shut behind her. I was so close behind her that before her she could remove her hand, I was already knocking on the glass. “Ma’am. Hold on.” I startled her. “Oh! Sorry!”

All I could do was chuckle and shake my head. Can’t be mindless in a space meant to induce and sustain mindfulness, now; can we? Relax. I took a look at the breakfast menu and went back outside to sit at the white, wrought-iron table set in the courtyard. I left my phone in the room, so I just sat. I didn’t think about anything – I just existed in the space, appreciating the day. 

I ate a delicious entrée of French toast with a topping of strawberries, coconut shavings, bananas and almond halves with pure maple syrup. I took my time… I had gotten enough sleep and planned my day so that I would not have to rush. 

As I returned to my room, I finished packing and changed into a bathing suit and yoga pants. I grabbed a beach towel the hotel had provided, called an Uber and traveled eight minutes to Parque del Indio. The driver and I had gotten into a conversation and he mentioned he was from Santo Domingo in the Dominican Republic. “Oh nice! I’ve been there. What part of the city is your hometown,” I inquired. “Los Frailes,” he responded. “Get out! I’ve stayed in the community several times!” I told him. The neighborhood isn’t that large. “I bet we know mutual people,” we laughed. “Alright, kinfolk!” 

I had arrived a little early so I started to stroll down the beach. It was a little overcast, but the sun shone through the thin layer of clouds. The waves crashed more violently than I had expected on such a calm rising; it was just before 9am. A few people were walking, a small group played an early game of volleyball, and a single woman was in the midst of an intense workout. Just before nine, as I strolled back towards the park, I texted the yoga instructor that I was here. 

“I’m wearing black pants and a white tank.” As I looked up, I saw a woman emerge onto the beach, waving at me. I waved back. It was Angelina. We embraced one another – I love hugs. 

“There was supposed to be one other person, but she cancelled; so, it’s just you and me today!” She told me. Yesssssss! 

As we set up our towels and chatted about my previous yoga experience and how lovely the day was so far. She had great energy – warm and welcoming; friendly, attentive and confident. Good vibes lead to good times. She took off her top and I followed suit, both of us wishing the waves were more tranquil so we could enjoy a morning swim. 

She led me through a flow of Vinyasa movements, my breath syncing to undulations of my body. In… Holding… Out. In… Holding… Out. My limbs felt flexible, yet strong. Fluid variations and progressions through cat and cow, upward to downward facing dog, planks, standing forward bends, and lunges all made me feel alive and exquisitely synced and in tune with my Self. I often like to practice with my eyes closed, allowing my other senses to take over. The crashing of the waves, the earth shifting underneath my toes as I oscillated through the sequences. Sand trickled over my body as tiny beads of sweat sauntered on down my face. I tried to wipe the grit away, but it only clashed against my skin, so I let it be; experiencing my body’s natural reaction to the heat and free-flowing intimacy I had with the world around me. 

Sun salutations, warrior poses and pigeon pose rounded out our practice. I sat cross-legged and upright as Angelina guided me through a meditation of opening my chakras. Her gracious words spoke to my soul reassuringly. My energy vibrated at a higher frequency as our time together came to a close.

“Wow,” I expressed as I decided to tap back in to society. “Thank you so much for that.” I got excited at the thought of facilitating these types of magickal experiences for clients in my near future. “Wow, yes, this was beautiful. Exactlywhat I needed to end my trip with.” Like the rest of my previous days, I was overcome with feelings of gratitude. 

I took another Uber back to the Dreamcatcher, showered (outdoors), and changed into my flight outfit. The woman I had gone to the beach and to hear the live music with was going to pick me up – we found out our flights left around the same time, so we shared another Uber together. 

Leaving the island, I felt so warm and fuzzy inside. 

I’ve traveled before – family vacations were common, I’d gone on trips out of the country, or visited friends and family in other cities, traveled alone, weekend getaways with whomever I was “dating” at the time, but this trip was different for me.

Oftentimes, these previous trips were for work or intentions involving other people, but this… this I did for me and me only. Truthfully, I have been working so much over the past 4 years, whether going to school year-round or “work-work” – I rarely took/had days completely off, let alone consecutive days. Additionally, the environments I had been working in had oftentimes been toxic.

Around the beginning of this year, I had a major breakup/breakthrough that forced me to really focus on being intentional about defining, understanding and practicing deep, intimate, unconditional, full self-love. Simultaneously, I committed myself to my goal of aligning my whole Self to a point where I could manifest financial and personal freedom that allowed me to follow my passion and goal of traveling more. 

I had originally planned to go to Puerto Rico back in April, but I hadn’t yet developed the confidence and fearlessness to follow through. I didn’t feel “ready,” or that it was “a good time for me.” Yet, I continued growing and doing the work that I needed to do spiritually to feel that I had faithfully started to step into my truth and Self in the way I envisioned when I set my personal intentions at the beginning of the year. 

And I was there. 

I was in that space of absolute trust, of clarity, of mindfulness, of courage and honor of who I am. That’s why I’m so proud and happy that I went on this trip, and it means so much to me; because I did it! I know where I’m going and I know that absolutely nothing or no one can ever hold me back. I’m not afraid of my light, and I actually see it – it’s not a flicker, it’s a flame. It can’t and won’t be extinguished; and I only seek to nurture it… without bounds.

And so it is.

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